Saying No...

Home l Organizational help l Homeschool Planner l Articles

Welcome to the 23rd edition of A Living Education E-zine! This month this E-zine will go out to almost 2 000 homeschool moms worldwide. Isn’t that just amazing! Thank you to all who subscribe to this E-zine and for your words of encouragement that I receive after each mailing.

Charlotte Mason

The other day I was chewing over one of the ideas presented in the Parent's Review Newsletter on "Mother Culture" where an overwhelmed mother is advised to take the day off and spend a day doing something for herself without the children, so that she could put herself into a state of wise passiveness.

I think a lot of what is being put forth here is about learning to say no! I have found that in times when I have a time crunch or am feeling that life is getting way to big that I have not been saying no to myself enough, to my children or to my friends.

As homeschooling moms there are so many things we have to do. These things are the non-negotiable things like schooling, housework, meal prep etc. Then there are the things that we feel like doing like hobbies, exercise, friendships and other such things that we enjoy as well. Then there are those commitments that we make that take us out of our homes.

This could be church, children’s sports, children’s play dates, part time jobs or husband’s work functions.

In each of these situations we have choices about managing our time. As we pile more and more into our lives something always gives. I have seen mom’s continue in this state for a long time and become more and more burdened with life and their commitments. Then when something cracks in the home, be it a relationship between wife and husband or between children and mother, or the fact that they have fallen into the “can’t-have-anyone-over-as-we-can’t-find-the-couch” syndrome…then they ask themselves: “How did this happen?”

The answer is that they have taken on too much without making space for it first. If we feel led to take on something new into our lives we need to assess all our commitments before saying yes. Often when moms are asked to help with various church duties – from youth to toddler’s group or serving tea to doing the flowers – they are so quick to say yes without first asking the Lord if this is what He wants them to be doing in this season.

Other times a great co-op or extra curricular activity will come up for a child and because we homeschool moms don’t want our children to miss out on anything, we say yes without thinking the whole thing through in terms of how it will affect the whole family.

There are also times when we feel like we deserve something “just for mom”. Now I am all for moms having interests outside of homeschooling and parenting – absolutely – this is where mothers own growth comes from, but when it takes you away from your home and family with regularity so much so that things become a little edgy at home, then the activity needs to be assessed.

In all these examples we have to ask ourselves:

1. Is this a valuable once in a life time opportunity or will it come around again?
2. How will adding this into our lives effect everyone else in the family and my time management?
3. Will this build rather than break down our home and family?

We have three answers:

1. No for this season
2. No for forever
3. Yes, it is right.

Therefore when those day to day, or once a year opportunities come knocking, be very careful to assess all these things before saying yes, and if it will not fit into your life, do not feel bad for saying no!

Family and Sibling Relationships

Let’s continue in this thought. We say no to our children quite often in the following situations:
“Can I have ice-cream for supper?” your 5 year old asks!
“Can you buy me a buy me a motorbike?” your 9 year old asks.

Ok, those were a bit tongue in cheek, but you understand don’t you? Part of parenting is saying no to the things that we know that are not good for our children – like a motor bike at 9 or ice cream for supper!

But there are other areas that are greyer when they come to good things. This weekend we wanted to go 10 pin bowling. Our friends who were going to join us were unable to make it. My children still wanted to go but we felt that it would be better to save the treat for when our friends could come along with their children. No was difficult in this situation but it was about choosing something better (having friends along) over something good (10 pin bowling).

There are other situations where saying no is very beneficial even though saying yes would not be a problem. Saying no to computer time, TV time, Wii time…all these things seem to detract from building family relationships when used regularly and for extended periods of time. But computers can be used for learning, TV for educational purposes, Wii for a little indoor fun on a rainy day.

When our children were very young and they asked for play dates or new activities we often had to say no due to a newborns needs being placed higher on the priority scale. I always had the approach that if something did not benefit the whole family then we would not do it. This worked for a long time and in many ways is still in effect today.

Organizational Tips

Most homeschool mom’s face a time crunch somewhere in their day, week or month. By planning our time we can be sure to avoid these pressurized times so that they become the exception not the norm.

Part of this time planning is saying no to the things that rob time. One of the big no’s for me is – no chat groups in the morning! As I am up early each day I do tend to my emails before my children wake up, but I stay away from the two forums that I belong to.

Often I hear from moms who are battling with “doing it all” and when we discuss their time keeping I find that they spend lots of time on yahoo groups or on their different chat groups during the morning. If you are one of these moms, may I challenge you to stay away from them and see it rather as a reward when your schooling is done, your housework completed and your meals for the day planned?

Your Marriage

The other day I was talking to one of my children about how we give and receive love in the realm of family relationships. As I was talking I realized how often I do things for my husband and think he is receiving my love. My strongest love language is acts of service. Yet his are on the opposite side of the spectrum. This made me think further about the things he does to show his love for me and this helped me realize that he has been showing his love to me in his love language.

If you have not yet read The Five Love Languages, please make a point of reading it. When we realize the way one another communicates love, it makes us much more aware of one another and how we can build one another up.

Quote

"If mothers could learn to do for themselves what they do for their children when these are overdone, we should have happier households. Let the mother go out to play! If she would have the courage to let everything go when life becomes too tense, and just take a day, or half a day, out in the fields, or with a favourite book, or in a picture gallery looking long and well at just two or three pictures, or in bed, without the children, life would go on far more happily for both children and parents. The mother would then be able to hold herself in "wise passiveness’ and would not fret her children by continual interference even of hand or eye - she would let them be." Parent's Review

Living books

Recently while away on holiday I read a few books but the one that stands out the most is Michael Morpurgo’s latest novel: Alone on a Wide Wide Sea This is a book for older teens and for moms! There are some rather sad events in the beginning of the story but this is the story of a young WWII orphan who’s life long goal is to find out who he is. At the end of the book his life comes full circle in his daughter. As I read this book the tears of joy were pouring down my cheeks.

Michael Morpurgo has a vast array of books for you to read wiht your children, for all ages.

Other updates to Homeschool Curriculum for Life

I am continuing to plod along on my site conversion and add new content to my new site. I had hoped it would be ready for viewing this month…but not quite!

On my homeschool site I have added a few new pages:

Reviews on a very popular Bible based curriculum - Heart of Wisdom
More of the renowned Jay Wile science programs: High school science programs

Lastly, I have a request for my subscribes who have their own homeschool websites or blogs. I have created a page with some simple code that you can pick up and place on your pages. Please visit my share this site page and grab your code. This will help other homeschool moms, just like you as they visit my site and look around. Thanks, I do appreciate it!

Take care until next time,
God’s richest blessings to you as you homeschool,
Wendy

PS Please pay it forward by sending this E-zine on to other homeschooling moms who will benefit from my thoughts. If you received this from a friend, sign up here