Kids on the computer can either be a good activity or a bad waste of time with many ill side effects. Find out how to deal with kids computer addictions and how to set boundaries for screen time in your home.

It's not only in homeschool circles that I hear parents having problems with setting boundaries around computer, TV and other screen based entertainment. In fact I think homeschoolers seem to be more diligent in how they manage their children's screen time. It is nonetheless still a concern raised my many parents.

Here is how we have managed it in our home.

Why do children seek this form of entertainment?
It is human nature to want to find an easy way to do things. By it's nature a computer games (used to describe any game run on a screen) will create a easy way for a child's brain to be entertained.

Just like any addictive habit, the brain becomes lazy and can only feel entertained through this form of activity. The more a child or teen plays, the more they want to.

A study done on children a couple of years back (I no longer have the link, unfortunately) showed a group of children who were given a play station and games in one area and another group who were given books.

Brain impulses were then monitored. The children on the Playstation had only one small area of their brain "working" to control the consol. Whereas the children reading books had many areas working together.

Like a muscle that is not used atrophies, the brain if not exercised will also become lazy and it will become more difficult to get it into action when it is needed.

Children crave computer games when the brain is conditioned to accept this easy way of being entertained.

How it affects children - a non scientific perspective.
After a child has had exposure to games of this type for a length of time (1hr plus) there is a blank look about their eyes, a sluggishness in their behaviour and generally a ratty disposition.

Over the long term the child will choose not to read books, build and create, spend time with family and become increasingly difficult to engage.

Children who are asked to get off their chosen screen entertainment generally push the boundaries to "just finish this one game" "but my time isn’t up yet" or in younger children, have a full blown tantrum.

What about violence?
Add to the above entertainment violent first person shooter games, car chases to avoid "the law" and other such criminal past times and you will have an aggressive, disobedient natured child until they are "detoxed" from this form of entertainment.

The bigger picture?
Again, I need to say that this is MY opinion. I believe that parents who allow their children violent games, even car chase scenes, are slowly playing into the enemy's hands. A desensitisation happens over time and the child will no longer weep for the widows and orphans and unborn babies.

They will believe they are bigger than life and in control as many games play into a power base i.e. makes the child feel like they can do things on the screen which are impossible in real life.

It's not just games!
Skype, Facebook, Forums, Email, Blogs etc are all ways for our children to connect with friends and family who are not close by. But in some instances I have met teens who chat online more than off line but live only a couple of doors apart!

While these are tools to serve us, these communication mediums often become addictive themselves and end up being master of our children's time, not servants to aid them.

Don't bring in more things to manage.
Most of our friends have Play Station, Xbox or Wii. We don't simple because it would be another thing to have to manage, set boundaries for and police. We also do not believe that any of these things have ANY value for our children's future purpose.

Learn to say "NO!"
I am often amazed at parents who say they have "no control" over their children's screen time as the child won't listen.

There are others who prefer the path of least resistance and don't challenge their children or teens so allow them free access to all screens and online games.

Parents in these situations have to ask themselves why they are afraid to say no and why they feel they are effectively teaching their children wise time management and stewardship by allowing unlimited (or even excess) access to computer games.

Does it edify?
When helping your child to choose how they spend their time at the screens, ask yourself does what they are about to do fit into Ephesians 5: 15 - 18: "Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is."

Does what game they want to play fit into Phillipians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."

Setting the example
Perhaps this seems silly as you do not choose to play games, but there are so many times that we can find ourselves at our computers looking at a blog, posting on forums, looking for information that our own time keeping sets a bad example to our children.

Like in all things as a parent - live by example. Do not spend time at the computer living you life through other woman's experiences that they share online. Spend time building your home and training your children.

Have a family talk
When you have settled your heart on boundaries around screen time, make sure that your husband is on board with you. Have a chat with your children about the boundaries you will set in place.

Make a further plan if you have allowed violent games/DVD's into your home.

Expect resistance from your children, but help them to see that what is not building them up will be breaking them down.

What happens if your children step over boundaries that you have set? Well, some may say you need to decide on a "punishment that fits the crime". However another way would be for the older child to identify within him/herself how they overstepped the boundary and get them to grapple with why they needed to step over the boundary and disobey you as parent.

Consequences need to be established, not as punishment but as a way for the offender to understand their error and to correct it AND to not repeat the mistake.

In younger children taking away all computer time for a period is often sufficient. Older children may need to just talk it through with you again and understand your principles for enforcing boundaries around computer times.

If it is a simple time keeping issue, then an alarm clock as the child starts their screen time set for the agreed time, can be a solution.

If you are dealing with an aggressive or disobedient child, then seeking the Lord for wisdom around this issue and then implementing other punishments may be appropriate.

One last appeal...
When our focus is on living for the here and now, the next moment of peace, the next little time of entertainment, it is very hard for a parent to restrict and police the computer in a home where it has possibly been running out of control.

But when we look at a more eternal perspective of the young people we are raising to be arrows in the Lord's hands, then it becomes easier to stick by your decisions.

Do not let one day, one month, of entertainment shadow this ultimate goal, of raising a Godly generation ready to hear, listen and obey their loving Father in heaven.

What now?
You have tamed the monster, cut down on screen time, eliminated unsavoury games but don't just leave your children with this huge gap in their days...fill it with productive activities. Read further.

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